Sunday special: Aladdin's digital lamp, AI reporter and modern journalism

Reporters no longer need to toil under the sun or wear out their shoes in search of news.

These days, the freshness, glow, and carefree attitude on the faces of our journalists make one think that perhaps their salaries have suddenly doubled or the municipality has filled all the potholes overnight. But the inside story is that our journalist brothers have found a 'digital lamp' in the form of Artificial Intelligence (AI), which has made local journalism less sensational and more like stand-up comedy.

Now, reporters no longer have to toil under the sun searching for news or wear out their shoe soles; they simply sit in the press club sipping tea, give a prompt to AI, and voilà, the news is ready! But the problem is that the genie of this digital lamp is as unfamiliar with the Hindi language and our local conditions as our leaders are with the truth, and the city roads are with asphalt.

The translation of foreign or English news has now reached a whole new level.

Recently, a reporter reported in English that there is a trend of a "bull market" in the stock market. AI provided such a brilliant and fearless literal translation that the next day the newspaper's eight-column headline read: "A bull has entered Mumbai's market, causing a massive stampede among traders!" Readers were astonished as to what the bull had done to the stock market and why people were checking the Sensex instead of catching it.

As for political news, don't even ask.

A local councillor inaugurated a newly opened drain and gutter in the neighborhood. The journalist commanded AI to make it a bit 'powerful' along with the picture. The news read: "The city's Julius Caesar inaugurated a great historical trench today, after which a new and glorious chapter of filth began in his political empire." The councillor has been sitting with his head in his hands since morning, wondering whether the newspaper praised him or dug his political grave?

Crime coverage now seems less local and more like a Hollywood suspense film.

There was a small news item that a pickpocket was caught at the bus stand who had stolen a hundred rupees from a passenger. AI presented it like this: "A cyber attack on the city's financial system thwarted! An international mastermind attempted to infiltrate a citizen's pocket, causing a heavy loss of ₹100 to the economy, however, the public's quick response system (i.e., washing) foiled this global conspiracy." The police are baffled whether to charge this poor pickpocket under IPC or directly file a case of treason!

At least the news was somewhat bearable; now even the classified ads in the newspaper are at the mercy of AI.

A famous hotel owner in the city gave the operator a note for an advertisement: "We have delicious haleem and biryani available." AI made it 'professional' and printed: "Come and experience the magnificent symphony of our spices. Our haleem is no ordinary meal, but a masterpiece that will enchant your taste buds and provide you with eternal peace!"

Customers are coming to the shop and asking in confusion,

"Brother, will these 'taste buds' come with the haleem on the plate or do we need to get them packed separately?"

There was a straightforward advertisement from a dentist: "Teeth are extracted here without pain." AI dressed it up in such sympathetic and literary Hindi that the advertisement turned into:

"Do you wish to be liberated from the painful torment of your teeth? Come, we will lovingly and professionally uproot your decayed teeth, so that your smile may bloom again!" Patients are now returning to neem sticks, wondering what this love and affection in tooth extraction is all about!

Moreover, in the 'Need for a Relationship' column, there was a straightforward message:-

"Looking for a homely and well-mannered girl for the boy." AI turned it into a job interview for a multinational company:- "An extremely dynamic and talented biological Homo sapiens is seeking a female partner who not only possesses excellent administrative skills in kitchen management but whose vision and mission align 100% with our family goals!"

The girl's family, after reading this advertisement, sent a CV and experience letter for their daughter instead of a proposal.

AI also has a peculiar tendency to give everyday minor issues a scientific and philosophical twist. There was news that due to rain, a pothole had formed on the road in a certain ward, and a motorcyclist fell and sustained minor injuries.

AI made it so tragic that the headline read:

"Another young person lost the battle against gravity, a citizen vanished into the black hole dug by the municipality along with his motorcycle!" Similarly, for a two-hour power outage, AI wrote an article:- "The city has returned to the Dark Ages, the angels of light have turned away from us, and the public has gone back to the era of caves."

But to truly gauge the revolution AI has brought to journalism, consider the incident that recently occurred with a prestigious newspaper. In the night shift, amidst bouts of sleep and the rush of copy-pasting, the poor reporter forgot to remove AI's 'innocent' disclaimer.

The next day, the front page of the newspaper carried the news:- "Public protests against rising inflation and the administration's failure..." (Note: As an artificial intelligence language model, I cannot provide personal opinions on inflation; however, you may certainly ask me for the recipe for Hyderabadi biryani!)

The public is still unable to decide whether to mourn this sensational news against the government or to close the newspaper and head straight to the kitchen to prepare biryani masala!